denying 'a' threshold

i am trying

desperately...

to limit the limit.

although i hate myself for it

yet i must.

A Dido in the present times

can never be the emblem of love

at most....the epitome of supreme inanity

( to be laughed at and made the butt of jokes)

And a fanny brown i can never be....

and so....

i am limiting the limit

.....to strangle some 'dido' in me.

death wish

the contemplation of death...

is the only solace;

the only living passion left in me...

(i have always been an author of sadistic fantasies)...

And now...

Death is my beloved---the one-forever in my thoughts,

i long for his embrace.... i wish-

he would possess me in my entirety

make me a part of his entity.

i don't want any space for myself,

i desire complete annihilation.

Death,you alone can satiate me...

Come into me and fulfill me..

And if not....

then just get lost...

the way the other did

from whom i had demanded these very things.

the promise...

vanquished and satisfied

i soar into the abyss of destruction

clipped wings mock my flight

yet i move on since i shall not stop

is this happiness-

i am not sure

i am irredeemably ruined

in a void i find completion.

a desire so strong-

no fulfillment is necessary

though torment i find bliss

my fear is peaceful oblivion

love, lust, longing-

i know not their meaning

i know, i seek, i strive

my nemesis, my god

my saviour...and i found you-

the promise of nothingness.

the reason to live.

hopes

greenness breaths in graveyard alone

and death--the true promise of life

dreams--shattered by a series of silence

and i weep-

because i still hold on to a green promise

i weep-

because still i dream

freedom

She roamed with clouds

Floated with the breeze

He came and said—

“I imprison you.”

Captivity she cherished

(although a wild girl)

Then he set her free...

She now lies dying in a desert.

midnight rain

Dawn and dusks comes and goes

At 2 in the morning (or should i say night!)

I sit huddled in the balcony

My thighs tightly pressing my breast

To press down a pain that chokes my breath.

The peacock cries on—

Ugly sounds of joy and ecstasy.

A lone dog whimpers somewhere

Echoing my helplessness and vulnerability

Rain hurts him (as it needles me)

And the peacocks continue to cry—

Shrilly triumphing in its desire satisfied.

panbazar

together...

We walked down a road

He talked of stars and dreams and us

I talked of the traffic and dirt and the crowd

He saw dirt and doubt in my eyes

I saw a dream and a promise in his

We never met eyes again.