An Open Letter to my Anonymous Beloved

I can write about all that I have gone through since falling in love with you, but it’s pointless. I am no different from any Juliet or Scarlett or Miss Havisham or any 14-year-old in love right now. Instead I will try to “sell” myself as a beloved to you. Lover I already am!

Seven months of being in love with you and yet I don’t know the first important thing about you. I don’t know what your favourite colour is or your favourite poem or your favourite dish. I don’t know if you like rain, or sunshine, or sunshine in the rain. I don’t know if you cry, or you think tears are redundant. I don’t know if there is space for me in your mind or I shall have to create my own space in your mindscape. 

And since I don’t know anything about you, I can’t persuade you to love me. I love you but what of that! I don’t even know you. Say I find out, your favourite colour is brown, your favourite writer - Durjoy Datta and your favourite dish - Mexican, would I still love you?! Suppose you hate rain because it’s squishy, and hate sunshine because it is glaring, and sunshine in the rain happens to dampen your mood, would I still love you? Suppose you are a cry-baby or maybe you think people who cry are weak, could I still love you? Suppose your mind is too full of ambition or old hurt or grievances, would I still love you! 

I wish I could answer with an uncomplicated yes, but I can’t! Durjoy Datta is unacceptable, Mexican food is negotiable and as long as cruelty is not a part of your system, I guess I can deal with ambition, hurt and grievances. A positive sprinkling of kindness in that heart could even make Durjoy Datta negotiable. Just kidding; that is still non-negotiable!

I am a quick learner and I can promise you that if someday we are together I can be as good a cook as you may hope for on special occasions. I am physically incapable of cooking three times a day though. I am honest and tactful; you shall never have to meet any irritating people since I am very good at coming up with excellent, almost genuine, excuses. I am good with people and can keep them entertained for hours (even when I don’t really like them). I know driving so you won’t have to pick or drop me. I have awesome girl-friends so you won’t be harassed to accompany me on shopping. I intend to keep my friends for life so I will have a life of my own apart from you. You will have space and you won’t ever need to entertain me. Your friends will love me, your relatives will love me, and once your mother gets over the fact that her son had chosen someone on his own, she would love me too. I am that kind of a girl. 

I am not very high maintenance. You won’t need to invest too much money on me. I am not into food so the whole wining and dining thing don’t impress me, nor am I into doing “it” things. But I am high maintenance in a different way. I am into letters; write me one and you have given me a recyclable joy. I am also into key-rings. And cups. And books. I am into impromptu getaways and I am very much into happiness. I wonder if I am doing the selling right!

I am brave; I fear nothing except ghosts (which the rational me know doesn’t exist) and arguments. I believe in affirmations (that’s how I know someday we will be together) and I try not to lie as much as possible. I am honest and kind and ethical. I am well-read enough to engage you in any discussion (although politics and technology are not my favourite topics of discussion).

What I expect from you is to be your own person with me. Some of my friends are married to some awesome people. I don't want you to be like them. I want you to be your kind of awesome. I will need you to love me and accept me and make peace with my flaws (the ones that I shall inevitably fail to overcome; I am not flawless). I will want you to be with me, not because you have to (because remember, I already have enough people in my life!) but because you want to. I have a feeling that you will be very happy with me. I know the secret of happiness (ever seen me without a smile?!).

Just to remind you again, I am in love with you but don't let that creep you out. Fortunately for you, I am too old to cause a scandal and luckily for me, my ego takes over when my heart finds it unbearable to take in anymore. So you don't have anything to worry about in any case! Just bask in the sunshine of my admiration and that will be happiness enough for me!

#theonethatis #crush #tezpur