Something Stupid

It was a magical time when we came together. Under the open night sky illuminated by floodlights in the wide field, it was as if solitude surrounded us. I was never more aware of the dual nature of time or solitude. Time dragged so slowly that I could notice every blink of his eyes, each move of his fingers as he kept on playing with the leaves of grass, tearing them, absentmindedly throwing them away into the distance. When our eyes met, I could sense the beginning of a conversation running to its end until we took our eyes away from each other. I could easily pursue the quick flick of his wrist as he rotated his cell phone in his hand. Time stood still. Yet time never went faster. I was never more aware of the fleetingness of time. My heart was filled with a despair so terrible that gloominess pervaded my entire soul. I could only despair that this moment was coming to an end so soon, that he could just get up and walk away at any moment and I would be helpless to stop him with a word or a glance. I wanted the night to go on endlessly. 

I was aware of him alone, of his loud unnatural laugh at the smallest provocation, his attempts at conversation and the ever present strain between us that threatened to break the calm at any moment. The whirling multitude around us was just a backdrop to this wonderful moment that I was living. I felt no one, I saw no one. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him and yet I couldn’t look at him. If our eyes met, I couldn’t move mine away for an infinitesimal second too long, that surplus second where I felt terribly exposed and vulnerable and also felt the shy euphoria of surrender.

I was aware of my surroundings as I was aware that it was a starless night. I was aware of the breeze that was a little stronger than usual. I was aware of the loud music playing in the distant open stage. All these were like swirls of colour in an abstract painting, as meaningful as you wish them to be. But in the midst of these, there were us – real and tangible and interwoven to the extent that we too flowed into the swirls of colours. I was one with the world; the world was one with me. I was immortal and eternal at that moment, perfect in my happiness and my unhappiness, in my longing and my contentment. That moment, when time had stopped for me, I realised life would never be the same again.